There should be something that's 'do-it-all-for-me' somewhere. I don't want everything to be d-i-y. It's bothering me. Argh. I had to do this, do that, all by myself. I hate it. Growing up sucks. Fml. Periodically.

Where I'm sitting it's dim with lights flickering. Cloudy with a chance of rainfall. A sudden fear of rules and regulations. What sickening procrastinations. It's a mood swing, it's an emotional downturn, no, it's loneliness. The place where I'm sleeping in, no pillow to rest the mind, no lights to shine, no blanket to hide. Like a car race, it's never right.

I'd finally use my paint set, since 4 years ago. Painted a picture. Still not bad. This is the third week since enlistment to SPF. Days of training, tolerable. Food not nice, bedtime insufficient. PT is tiring, but recovered. Drills are bitches, stamped till my heels hurt. Haven't get my name tag, my jogging shoes, my baton and my pistol. Law lesson starts next week. Which means lesser PT.

It won't repeat. My instincts are clear. Arm and legs strengthened and ready to walk away. Hung over and sober. No longer entangled. Like promised, you've scared me away, one way or another. I'll free you like you'd freed me. Before I fall any deeper, before I'm sorry. Better hang on what's yours and I'll leave what's isn't mine. Sad to say, I knew it. People always fall for the wrong person, things always fall into obvious traps. Humans are like that. Roses are pretty, they're filled with thorns. They still do. I would have pick them for you, if you wanted me to. See, I thought I just wanted a space in your flowers-filled vase. But that's not the case. It's no longer that simple, because I don't like the whole vase. I wanted a change. I'm not just a stalk of flower. I want to be all the colours. Maybe you don't like the shade of grey. Black and white are nice, but not together? This race is call "goodbye". I'm already set on the starting line, waiting for your whistle. Let it stop here.

Tough to be alone. Have not been sleeping at my own home. The nights are not sweet, not at all. Chose to sleep over lighten up the bedroom. Yes, I do prefer my own nest, but there's always somethings bugging my head when I'm there. There's always someone I shouldn't be thinking. Always some voices I shouldn't be hearing. It's depressing. Screwed my life with the same excuse again. So what if the person isn't the same. Same damage anyway. I would like to see you happy. But don't hold hands in front of me. I have not recover from the blow you gave me, accidentally. If there something you could do, close your eyes and let me through.

Tonight, the skies are of shade of mine. And it's about to cry.

By the way, it's wd's birthday today. Dined out and they went to club. But I headed home. Dinner was delicious, and loved the muddy mud pie part. I still prefer watching movie you know :( But well, I can't possibly watch it alone. And lastly, Happy birthday, ywd.

The more vague my vision is, the clearer I see, on a path that consumes sanity. Jot down memories that's worth writing, a whole chunk of rubbish.

But this is prone more to happy. Here are my funny childhood stories.

I remember playing catching as a kid. In the rain till the evening. And everytime we get back home, we're all in deep shit. We used to hide and seek in shopping malls, but people still do these funny things, just not we.

I remember skipping schools. To the arcade, to play pool. Most of the bad things to a kid, I've done a whole lot of them. Hahaha, I am sinned.

I remember stealing a bicycle. But you should see where he parked it, outside macdonalds. He was just inside eating, but I hopped and rode it off, at the otherside of the glass, in front of him. He didn't had a chance to scream, or maybe I didn't hear him :X

I remember running out of school, halfway through the lessons. Because the teacher cried, everyone blamed me and my friends for what happened. But she's a whore. Yes, we ran through the front door. Discipline master chased after us, yes we ignored.

I remember fighting. Fought with a guy who's even taller than me. His eyes bled, I thought I was insane, and yes, that's got me 2 strokes of a cane. Did I mention the canning was at the school's hall and forced to apologise in public? No, the fighting wasn't a mistake. But well, people got over it.

And you see how much I've changed. I was almost like a "cao ah beng". Will people still like me eh? Awww, I was just being honest. Do you know why the list stopped here? Because I stopped doing things that's evil. Hahaha. I'm now like an angel. Ka-pui ah! I am so nonsensical.

I did Sharon a deed. But why must I sign off as a retarded pig?